


Delicate

by Sidi



Series: Short Keith Angst One Shots [4]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Canon Universe, Character Study, Demisexual/Demiromantic Keith, Depression, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, Loneliness, M/M, Not a fix it fic exactly, Pining, Possibly Unrequited Love, Post Season 8, Suicidal Thoughts, Unrequited Love, farming, though, unlovable
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-10-10 21:55:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17434211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sidi/pseuds/Sidi
Summary: He is not lonely though.Definitely not.It is ridiculous to think that someone like Keith, a veteran, someone who had not only survived but helped win the biggest war the universe has ever seen would be lonely.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Don't know why I felt compelled to write this. Thanks for reading.

Keith is a lot of things.

He is half-Galra half-human. He is the son of Krolia and Heath. He is the Black Paladin. He is a soldier, or, in self-indulgent moments, he thinks of himself as a warrior. He is Shiro’s best friend. He is part of a humanitarian outreach program now that the war is over.  He is quick-tempered, even now. He is one of the packs of early morning joggers now since he has put on a bit of weight, solely because of eating Hunk’s ridiculously good food. He is still someone who likes to ride his hover bike too fast. He is Pidge’s confidant for anything that isn’t technical or jargon-filled, most recently a small battle of wills going on with a colleague over the thermostat. He is, finally, Lance’s best friend as well. He is content.

He is _not_ lonely though.

Definitely not.

It is ridiculous to think that someone like Keith, a veteran, someone who had not only survived but helped win the biggest war the universe has ever seen would be lonely. He is an adult. He has family and friends. He has a fulfilling job and hobbies.

There is no reason for him to feel lonely.

Except that he does. As years slip by, this gnawing feeling of emptiness festers inside of him. He has everything he could have ever dreamed of having. More, actually. His mom. A found family that he is just as close to as his mom, if he is being honest.  

He isn’t alone. His emotional needs are being met, or so he tells himself.

It is shocking to think that he is so banal, so simplistic of a person that he is sad because he wants a romantic relationship.

I mean, for most of his life he had dabbled in calling himself aromantic because he simply didn’t get the crushes or urges to date that others seemed to get by the time they hit 12. He decided he isn’t when he develops his first crush, but still.  

It just takes longer for those feelings to emerge for him. He doesn’t like someone because they are cute or hot or whatever. He doesn’t “fall” over one conversation. It is only after he gets to know someone and becomes comfortable with them that he develops feelings.

This makes his little, embarrassing problem all the harder to remedy. It isn’t like he can just ask someone out. It isn’t like he can, as Pidge suggests one time, sign up for a dating website. He won’t know if he has the capacity to like someone in that way until knowing them for months, even years.

Which is fine. That is just the way he is built.

But, he has other concerns. He knows he is difficult to get to know. That hasn’t changed even with all the ways he has opened up after Voltron. He is definitely better, but there will always be a part of him that is reserved.

Keith wonders if he is not only difficult to get to know, but also difficult to love. Not counting family, Shiro is basically the only person who loves him in the entire world before Voltron. Even then, it had taken him the longest to bond with all of the Voltron members. It is just difficult for him to connect to people easily and quickly like others seem to do.

Keith doesn’t think anyone has ever really been interested in him romantically. He thought Acxa might have been, for a split second, and was even considering giving her a shot. But then she met Veronica and never looked back at Keith. Which is fine. His loneliness was making him consider asking Acxa out more than anything else.  

It is pretty par for the course for Keith, come to think about it, to watch potential partners being happy with someone else. Twice in his life he had experienced falling in love with someone and then watching that person turn around and pursued someone else in front of him.

Maybe he is just someone no one wants to take a chance on.

Maybe it is because he is a mixed species person. Too human for Galra, too Galra for humans.

Maybe it is like he suspected as a teenager. Maybe there is something fundamentally wrong, fundamentally off about him and others can just sense it.

These thoughts creep into his consciousness late at night and he feels guilty about them when the morning comes. He isn’t unlovable. He knows this. He has a group of family and friends he knows love him deeply.

Just.

Not in that way. Never in that way.

He tries not to think about it.

Tries not to let anyone know that he is lonely.

Tries not to let anyone see him occasionally watching romantic comedies and wondering what it would be like to have someone run across an airport for him.

It works most of the time, except for the fact that he has such good friends who know him a bit too well.  

Shiro vaguely assures him after every video call that if Keith ever needs to talk he is there for him.

Hunk gives him extra big bear hugs every time Keith shows up at one of his restaurants.

His mom clumsily asks him outright what is wrong, with a threat to beat up anyone that is “hurting his feelings.”

Pidge is too smart for her own good and is the only one who truly sees through Keith. That is when the dating site conversation had happened. He had barely managed to stop her from making a profile for him, a devilish smirk on her face.

And then there is Lance.

Keith has to put the most effort into keeping in contact with Lance after the war, compared to the others. He is grieving. He struggles for a bit to find his place in the world. Keith is a bit puzzled and sad when he decides to create a flower farm. It is charming, but part of Keith hoped that Lance would decide to help the Blade or…well, anything other than staying on Earth, leaving behind everything that Keith thought of as their new home. A space ship. A new planet every week. The stars glittering around them instead of up in the sky.

But, they texted sporadically and that sporadic texting turns into more regular texting. Then, Lance admits he is short-handed after a storm damages parts of the farm and Keith finds himself offering to come and help.  

It is nice. They fix fences and drink tea on Lance’s porch. He meets some nieces and nephews. They walk through truly stunning fields of flowers.

This turns into regular visits. Even though Keith feels like he belongs in space, he still looks forward to visiting Lance’s flower farm. It is so peaceful, in Cuba, surrounded by vast expanses of flowers. It is surprisingly peaceful with Lance as well. The loud, annoying boy had turned into a quiet, reserved and polite man. Keith doesn’t entirely like it, if he is being honest.

It is with joy that he observes Lance’s healing as the years pass. His loud laugh comes back. He starts calling Keith mullet again. They get into an argument over the difference between a pot and a pan (they are not interchangeable no matter what Lance says) and Keith is so happy it feels like his heart will burst.

It is all very delicate though.

He doesn’t want to put a name on anything he is feeling. That is why he just tells himself he is lonely and then moves on. Putting a name to everything he feels is a bad idea, the beginning of an end, the start of a catastrophe.

************

“Keith? Keeeeeeith!”

Keith jerks his head to see Lance smiling and waving a hand in front of his face.

They are sitting outside around Lance’s firepit during a beautiful fall evening. They had spent all day fertilizing soil and Keith is exhausted. Even Kosmo had called it a night, deciding to go to bed instead of sitting up with them.  

“So, you ever going to tell me what is wrong?” Lance asks innocently.

“I don’t know what you are talking about.”

“You can’t lie to me. You have that spacey, sad dopey look on your face every time I see you now.”  

“This is just my face.”

“Come on. We are friends right?”

“Right.”

“Is someone at work being mean to you?”

“Lance. I’m not 12.”

“Did Pidge break into your phone again and change your name on every form of communication to Princess Keith?”

“I told her I would kill her if she ever did that again.”

“Anyone sick or hurt or…”

“Nothing like that.”

“So you admit it is something then?”

“Just drop it.” There is no heat to Keith’s words. He stares at the fire, only glancing over when Lance looks up into the distance, whistling gently and tapping his hand against his leg like he is thinking. Then, a sly smile crosses his face.

“Girl…Guy…Alien…Romance problems.”

Keith rolls his eyes, but can’t stop a slight flush from crossing his face. He was always a terrible liar.

“Oh my god, I didn’t think it would be that. The great Keith having romance problems!” Lance stretches and then leans forward, eyes eager.

“So, is it someone at work?”

“It isn’t like that.”

“Someone likes you and you don’t like them back?”

Keith snorts. “No one likes me.”

The teasing lilt to Lance’s voice disappears immediately. “Dude, why would you say that? What’s up?”

“I don’t mean in general. I just mean, no one is interested in me…that way.”

Keith is embarrassed. This feels like a conversation you have at 16, not when you are a full grown damn man talking to your ex-rival.

“Keith, my dude. We’re close enough that I can say this now. Anyone would be lucky to have you. You’re a badass savior of the universe _and_ you have a space wolf. What’s not to love?”

“Well, me, apparently. Because no one ever has.”

There is a moment or two of silence. Keith does not look at Lance. He wonders what it is about being on this farm and the flickering, gentle light of the fire that makes him want to be honest. After so much time denying it, he feels a pain in his throat, clawing its way out. Acknowledging the issue also seems to set it free.

“Keith…well…”

“It’s fine. I’m just in a weird mood.”

“Have you ever dated anyone?”

“No.”

“Have you ever loved someone?”

“Yes.”

Lance looks surprised. “Who?”

“Does it matter?”

“Well…honestly, I’m a little curious.”

“I have loved exactly two people in my life. Neither were interested in me.”

Lance is silent again.

“Shiro?”

Never let it be said that the Red Paladin isn’t smart.

Keith winces and nods.

“Ouch, dude.  I wish you had told me earlier. We could have gotten really drunk at his wedding.”

Lance fumbles over the last word, like he is afraid it will upset Keith.

“It’s fine. Honestly, it was a teenager thing for me. I was young and he was nice to me. I wasn’t in love with him and he’s just a brother to me now. Plus, Adam and him are perfect for each other.”

“True, true.”

Another silence.

“And the other?”

“What?”

“You said there were two.”

“No. You don’t need to know everything.”

“Is it embarrassing?”

Keith laughs. “Maybe.”

“Don’t tell me its Pidge.”

“God, no.”

“Acxa? I kind of thought you two had a thing for a while. Oh god, did Veronica steal Acxa from you?”

“No, not Acxa.”

Lance fiddles with his bracelet, a nervous habit. “I get it with Shiro. He’s much older than you and probably always saw you as his kid brother. But I cannot believe there is more than one person out there willing to pass you up.”

Keith lets out a ragged, painful breath.

“Well, there is.” He smiles sadly.

Lance stares at him, but Keith pointedly doesn’t look, following the flickering flames with his eyes instead.

“I feel like maybe I’m just meant to see people I love fall in love with other people. I am a good friend, but not a good partner.”

“Keith, my man. That is defeatist talk. You need to get out there. Go on a few dates, ask someone out, maybe even…”

“Don’t say it…”

“Join a dating site.”

“You and Pidge, I swear…”

“You just aren’t experienced and you have had…well, a complicated life. The point is that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. I mean, when you were younger you were a jerk but…”

Keith smacks him.

“But I mean it. Anyone would be lucky to have you.”

Keith laughs, a decidedly not joyful sound, drier and more bitter than he wants.

“Sure, anyone,” he says and stands up.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m beat. I’m going to lie down.”

“Are you staying for lunch tomorrow?”

“No, I better get going. I promised a friend I would help them with something.”

Lance narrows his eyes. It is a lie, of course. The friend is really Kosmo and some of Hunk’s leftovers. Maybe he would park his ship on some peaceful planet nearby and watch the sun rise.

Lance opens and closes his mouth, appearing deep in thought.

Keith waits, waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for Lance to pick at him in ways he wouldn’t be able to defend against.

“Ok,” he finally says. “Ok. But, say goodbye before you go in the morning?” Keith nods and walks away.

**********

The next morning, Keith considers just leaving before Lance wakes up. But, he can’t do it. So, he gets up, helps milk some cows and feed some livestock, eats a quick scrambled egg breakfast with Lance, and then he leaves. Keith zooms away in his ship, watching the colorful flower field get smaller and smaller until he can’t see it anymore.   


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He isn’t even sure why he comes. He could just drink at home. It isn’t like he is really social. People talk to him at bars, but he never approaches them. Maybe some deep dark part of him doesn’t want to be alone, but also doesn’t want to be around his friends, the ones who too frequently now look at him like Hunk had, with pity in their eyes.

 

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I will defeat you, Emperor Varkon!”

Keith feels a ridiculously heavy weight for a child throw itself across his back. He will definitely be feeling that in the morning.   

Wrestling with Balmeran children is always an experience. Even Hunk and Shay’s kids, only half-Balmeran, have serious strength and weight even being under the age of 10 still.

He rolls over, grabbing the kid and gently rolling around on the ground with him.

He squeals in excitement, squirming and thrashing in Keith’s grasp.  

Finally, Keith feels the child lifted away from him.

“Mica, Jade, time for a break. Keith needs to help daddy,” Shay announces, winking at Keith.  

“But mom, Keith promised to take me on a bike ride!” Jade whines.  

“Maybe tomorrow. Let’s go.”

There isn’t really anything that he needs to help Hunk with, but he isn’t sure how much more his body can take, especially since it isn’t like he can really fight back against the twins. Shay ushers them upstairs, leaving Keith to wander into the kitchen to find Hunk.

He washes his hands and then settles next to Hunk who is doing the equivalent of snapping green beans, except the “beans” are purple and slimier.

They work in silence, peacefully watching the sun setting out the bay window of their house and filling Hunk’s basket with purple beans.

“So…” Hunk starts.

“What?”

“So, who is the other person?”

“I don’t understand.”

“Lance told me what you talked about…”

Keith stiffens.

“Apparently, our Keith has not only crushed on one person, but _two_. One of them is Shiro and like, we all kind of figured that. But who is the second person?”

“Hunk…”

“I’m sorry. We are nosy people. We gossip. I think I have an idea who it is…”

His tone is light enough that he thinks that, possibly, Lance just brought up the whole crush thing and not the “no one will ever love me” parts of their conversation.

He grinds his teeth. “Who?” He winces, waiting for Hunk to say the name.

“Axca…”

Keith lets out a sigh of relief.

“Lance already guessed her and no. Plus, who would choose me over someone like Veronica anyway?”

Hunk’s fingers never stop snapping the beans.

“Allura?”

It is a heavy guess and the atmosphere of the kitchen changes immediately.

“No. Not Allura.”

“A blade?”

“Hunk.”

“I’m sorry. It’s just…I don’t even care who it is I just want to know!”

Keith feels vaguely annoyed. He isn’t in the mood to tease about this. Hunk seems to pick up on his mood though and quiets down again.  

They work in silence for a few more minutes. Hunk glances at him every once in a while, but Keith ignores it.

“So…” Hunk begins again.  

Keith ignores him, praying that Hunk would just let them work in peace.

“Lance tells me you haven’t visited the farm lately.”

“Oh, yeah. Well. I’ve been busy.”

“With statues?”

“Well. Yeah. Lots of statues.”

Keith had offered to take on a job that basically boils down to installing more statues across the universe for Allura. It is a far cry from the work he is used to doing, but things are fairly peaceful and settled now. Of course, there are still things like civil war and poverty, but rather than being universe-wide, they are local issues. It is explained to Keith that it would not be advisable for them to just fly around trying to force solutions to local issues on people, as that is pretty close to what Earth would call colonization. So, except for the occasional humanitarian outreach, there are slim pickings for jobs for an ex-Paladin. Therefore, statue installation. At least he is helping everyone remember one of the most amazing people he has ever known.

Hunk hums in response, falling into silence.

It is a heavy silence though. One of those that lets Keith know that Hunk is leaving the door open for Keith to talk.

“Is everything ok?”

“With the statues? Yes. It’s fine.”

“That isn’t what I’m asking about.”

“I am fine.”

“Just, you know you can talk…”

“Yes, I know. I can talk to you guys. You support me. I know.”

To be honest, he is tired of hearing it. In various ways, everyone had told him this lately, even Pidge, even Adam, and he knows.

It doesn’t change anything but he knows.

Hunk looks at him again and there is something in his face so close to pity that Keith turns away from him, ashamed, embarrassed.

He doesn’t want anyone’s pity.

He stands up abruptly. “I think I am going to head out.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you going to be at my new restaurant opening?”

“The Vegan one? Hunk…”

“I promise my vegan food will knock your socks off.”

“I believe you. I will be there.”

When he flies away from Hunk and Shay’s place, he isn’t sure exactly where he wants to go. Home, but he doesn’t really have a home. He has a place that he rents, but it isn’t home. It isn’t even the Castleship or his room in the old Blade ship. It isn’t even his shack, the one that had been torn down at some point during the Galran invasion of Earth.

So he finds himself pulling into a bar. He is in a quadrant he doesn’t recognize very well, but bars are the same pretty much everywhere. The same clusters of locals, the same uncomfortable bar stools, the same random sports playing on a TV somewhere.

He sits down and orders whiskey on the rocks, another standard in every bar across the universe.

He isn’t even sure why he comes. He could just drink at home. It isn’t like he is really social. People talk to him at bars, but he never approaches them. Maybe some deep dark part of him doesn’t want to be alone, but also doesn’t want to be around his friends, the ones who too frequently now look at him like Hunk had, with pity in their eyes.  

He isn’t too concerned when someone sits down beside him, a smirk on their face.

Every bar is the same, including the drunken assholes.

“Hey, aren’t you one of those paladins?”

His buddies are snickering behind him. Keith rolls his eyes and starts on his third drink.

“I’ve heard some rumors about you. Is it true?”

Keith is momentarily uncomfortable, wondering if they are going to ask if he is gay or not. He quickly dispels the notion. Earth, unfortunately, is the only place in the universe Keith has found that would care either way depending on which seedy bar you find yourself in for the night.

“Are you Galra?”

Ah, yes. This is the more common universe-wide prejudice, still. Even after the Blade’s efforts and how many Galra were also oppressed and hurt by their rulers.

“What does it matter to you?”

“You are. A half-breed Galra bitch.”

Keith’s hand tightens around his glass. Then, he chugs the rest and waves the bartender over to close out his tab.

“I’m not sure I feel comfortable with the likes of you being here.”

Keith doesn’t engage. Nothing will come from it. He pulls out some money, silently urging the bartender to hurry.

“So, your mom was a Galra whore, is that right? Fucking some disgusting Gal…”

He doesn’t finish the sentence due to Keith’s fist connecting with his face. He doesn’t care how many times he is called a half-breed bitch. You don’t talk about his mom or his dad.

The alien stumbles back and then charges at Keith. He knows he needs to deescalate this situation now, but there are too many people, too many noises, too many fists flying in his direction.

He panics.

He isn’t entirely sure what happens next, but suddenly his blade is in his hand and he is pinning down a bloodied, terrified drunk alien.

Keith freezes, realizing he fucked up, but he hasn’t fucked up too badly yet. He stands up, looking at the scared faces huddled in a circle around him and the drunk alien. He shivers when he realizes they are scared of _him_.

Then he is gone, sheathing his knife and fleeing, praying he can fly away before the cops show up. Maybe, just maybe, no one really recognized him. He hadn’t hurt anyone too badly and maybe this situation is still salvageable. He can just pretend it never happened.

***********

He wakes up to a tablet being thrown in his face. He growls, jerking up in his bed.

He is shocked to see Shiro frowning down at him. He immediately wakes up, gulping. If Shiro had made the trip out to his little apartment on a different planet, then he had **really** fucked up.

Shiro says nothing and gestures at the tablet.

He picks it up with trembling hands and winces when he sees the front-page news.

**Black Paladin and GALRA Caught in BRUTAL Attack on Innocent Citizens!**

And there are pictures of him, lips twisted into a snarl, eyes slitted, ferocious, gripping his knife, fear in other people’s eyes around him.  

Keith feels like he is going to puke.

“What the fuck, Keith,” Shiro finally speaks.

 “That alien taunted me.”

“And?”

Keith is silent.

“They are talking about bringing charges against you. And with all the work everyone has done to try to rid the universe of prejudice against the Galra, this is what you do? And you are a paladin. People expect more of you. I expect more of you.”

Keith puts his head in his hands.

The familiar weight of Shiro’s hand on his shoulder does little to comfort him.

“Keith, talk to me. What’s happening?”

“It’s nothing.”

There are a few ticks of silence. Then, some buttons beeping.

“I am putting a number in your communicator. It is a therapist’s number who specializes in PTSD, Depression, and related issues. You will go see them and this is an order.”

“You don’t have the chain of command to order me anymore,” Keith mutters.

“Then it isn’t an order. I didn’t want to do this, but you’ve left me no choice.”

Shiro lifts Keith’s chin and looks at him.

“Do it for me?”

Keith melts. A little-known fact about Shiro is that he actually has devastatingly effective puppy dog eyes. Combined with the whole parental thing where Keith would rather Shiro be angry at him than disappointed in him, and it is a potent motivator.

“Ug, fine. I will call them today.”

Shiro smiles. “Good. Let’s go get some pancakes. You look terrible right now.”

***********

When night falls and Keith has conveniently not called the number Shiro gave him, he only feels a little guilty.

He isn’t sure what a therapist could do for him. Therapists aren’t magicians or wizards. They can’t turn back time or change fundamental facts about the world.

The fact is that Keith is obsolete. His one true function in the world was being a soldier. It is the only thing he did well, the only place he was really needed. Now that there is peace in the universe, he isn’t needed anymore.

What place is there for someone like him, who has never known another existence except for war?

It is different for him compared with the others. Pidge is inventing things that will change the world. Hunk is changing how the entire universe thinks about food, including developing new sustainable food sources, not to mention his family of course. Shiro is married and teaching, influencing an entire generation of children. And Lance is, well, Lance. Keith can’t imagine a world without Lance, sowing the Earth with his hands, handing out flowers to passerbys, playing with his nieces and nephews. Just Lance’s very existence brightens the world.

Unlike Keith.

He looks at the pictures of himself again. Snarling. Teeth bared. He looks like a monster.

If he disappeared, who would really care? What mark would his absence in the world cause?

Who could love someone like him?

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically just Keith Angst with a dash of light at the end of the tunnel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been down lately so this is basically me projecting. Just being honest.

Keith feels like his entire life has been a balancing act, always keeping steady enough to stay on the tightrope of life, but the slightest push can knock him so far down that it takes a miracle to bring him back. Ok, so maybe Shiro fake dying at Kerberos can’t be called a slight push, but not every one of his reasons for derailment have been that dramatic.

Like this one.

He got in a bar fight. Its not the end of the world. He would even say it isn’t entirely unexpected for someone like him, a warrior with a reputation for being a hothead.

But it nags at him.

The aliens’ fearful faces. Shiro’s disappointed face. The therapist’s number in his phone that he still hasn’t called.

It infiltrates his bones and sets an ache in his abdomen.

That he is the bad paladin.

That he is the only one not keeping his shit together.

That he is an embarrassment.

Which, if anyone deserves to be acting this way, it’s Shiro or Lance. Shiro had been through a hell that none of them can even imagine.

Lance had to watch the love of his life die.

At least Keith gets to see the love of his life, though he sometimes wonders if it would be easier if he didn’t.

Which is exactly what he is doing now. In some ways, it is what he does best.

He _leaves_.

He withdraws. He closes down when Pidge and Hunk ask him questions. He is suddenly very busy when Shiro tries to call him. He sends off quick texts to Lance every once awhile, again, talking about how busy he is but they would have to catch up soon.

It is easier this way. Relationships bring a lot of baggage along with them. Caring for others and having them care for you. So much room to be hurt or to hurt. So much room to disappoint or become a burden. Keith can’t stand the thought that he is the burden of the group. That their lives would be easier without having to worry about Keith not being able to control himself or his inability to easily slip back into a normal life.

Sometimes he wishes he had died a glorious death in the war. Then he could rest and just be a statue people in the future would look at it and read about with only passing curiosity. He wouldn’t be as beloved as Allura, but there would be a few monuments around. Then his paladin family could remember him fondly and not have to deal with the reality of trying to be friends with someone like Keith.

Maybe it is the death he was supposed to have and his stubborn inability to die robbed him of that. He could have died a warrior’s death and no one would ever have to know how truly pathetic he really is.

It is an easy slope to slide down once the feelings and thoughts take hold deep inside him. When he wonders if no one can love him romantically, it is an easy leap to wonder if no one is capable of loving him period. Isn’t it all situational? They loved him because they needed him?

In his heart of heart’s, he knows it isn’t true. He knows what the others feel for him is real.

But human hearts aren’t always rational and Keith’s is no different.

So he goes deeper and deeper into the universe, further away from Earth, away from Shiro, and installs lots and lots statues.

**********

When he hears a door click behind him, he assumes it is Vlorghsiii, one of the aliens helping with the statue installations. He keeps on his task, sorting tools that would go in the tool belt he wears when working.

“Hey Samurai. What’s up?”

Definitely not Vlorghsiii. Keith stiffens at the familiar voice and doesn’t turn around right away. But, it’s not like he can pretend that the owner of the voice isn’t behind him.

So he turns and faces him.

Lance.

He is smiling that same familiar smile and Keith’s chest hurts so much. He isn’t ready for this.

“Hi. Why are you here?”

“What, I can’t visit a friend?”

It is Lance’s first time in space in a long time. Years. They both know this is a special occasion, but Keith lets it drop.

“I have to finish this…we can meet up later maybe?”

Lance stares at him, face suddenly very serious.

“You haven’t been out to the farm lately.”

“Oh yeah, I’ve been busy.”

“Busy…with statues.”

Keith nods, not quite making eye contact.

“So, you punched someone out at a bar…”

“I did.”

“I would lecture you, but I am assuming he deserved it, right?” Lance smiles at him.

“It doesn’t matter if he deserved it or not, I still…” Keith stops, fumbling for his words.

“Lost control?”

Keith hates that Lance knows him so well now. He nods.

“Talk to me. What’s up?”

“There is nothing to talk about.”

“Keith, we have been through an intergalactic war together. Are you telling me you want to go back to when we were teenagers pretending to hate each other?”

“Some things change, some things never do.”

A brief flash of hurt crosses Lance’s face. “I know you don’t mean that.”

He crosses the space between them in one long step, coming unbearably close.

“Talk to me. Why are you avoiding me?”

“I’m not.”

“You are and always have been a terrible liar.” Then he pulls Keith into a hug. Keith lets it happen, laying his head on Lance’s shoulder. He thinks of the time when, if someone had told him he would be used to casual hugs from Lance, he would have laughed in that person’s face.

“Did Shiro send you out here?”

“No. I’ve missed you at the farm.”

“You have enough money to hire help.”

“You know that isn’t what I mean. Talk to me, mullet. What’s happening? How can I help?”

Keith is quiet, letting the quiet hum of the facility and Lance’s arms around him lull him into a peaceful state.  

“Tell me who the second person is.”

Moment of peace over. “No.”

“Please.”

“It isn’t any of your business.”

“Keith, tell me. Tell me who the second person is.”

“You are being cruel.”

“You should tell them. You never know and even if they reject you, you will feel better afterward.”

“I never admitted anything to Shiro and I did just fine with that. What would it change anyway?”

“You don’t know that everyone will be like Shiro for you.”

Keith is quiet, finally pulling away from Lance and taking a step back.  

“Talk to me, Keith. We are friends. Best friends.”

“There is nothing to talk about.”

“I’m just saying that if we trust each other with our lives then why can’t you trust me with this?”

Even these words hurt. Knowing that when Lance says he would die for him, it isn’t the words of passion like Keith’s but rather an obligation, what soldiers say to one another on a battlefield. It’s different. Keith knows it and the difference sets an ache deep in his bones that he isn’t sure he will ever get out.

“I just can’t, Lance.”

It is agony. He knew the second he looked at Lance that whatever love he felt for him hadn’t faded in the distance Keith sought to put between them by not visiting the farm. It burned just as brightly as before. He can’t stand the thought of Lance’s pitying face if he did tell him.

Lance looks around the room seeming to think before his eyes finally fall on the statue of Allura that Keith would be erecting in a monument garden on this planet today.

“You know, I have been thinking about her a lot lately,” Lance starts, a soft smile on his face.

“She should be here,” Keith says, leaving out his next thought of _instead of me._

“Maybe. But when I think of her soul being in every universe, being reunited with her parents and even that bastard…it feels peaceful. Like she was meant for bigger things than the lives we are living. And you know what I think she wants for us?”

Keith shakes his head.

“Not for us to spend our time in this world putting up statues and mourning her. I think she wants us to be happy and enjoy the lives we have been given. For us to live and love openly. That is the gift she gave us all.”

Keith bites his lip, a horrifying wetness in his eyes letting him know that he is dangerously close to crying.

Lance looks at him then, still smiling, misty eyed himself.

“I won’t force you to do or say anything, Keith. But, I hope, for Allura, but also for yourself, that you understand and also understand that you are always welcome at the farm. Whenever you are ready to talk, I will be there.”

And then he is gone, leaving Keith in the quiet room filled with metal and monuments to the dead.  

**Author's Note:**

> Two possible ways to continue this-  
> 1\. More angst  
> 2\. Pidge makes that dating profile for Keith and romantic comedy hijinks ensue LOL
> 
> (I am partially kidding)


End file.
